Expert betrayed: so many contrarys entrust a relationship

Expert betrayed: so many contrarys entrust a relationship
Shot of a mature couple not speaking to each other after a disagreement at home

02.04.2021, 14:55 uhr | tom nebe, dpa-tmninconsistencies: couples don’t always have to be of the same opinion. But in some themes, a relationship is burdened. The pandemic acts here as a fireglass – and lets be fired from dizzying conflicts.

But who is disputing about political questions and themes that affect their own system of values? In the Corona pandemic, it can be heated very quickly: one finds the corona measures too mild, the other perhaps too strict – and at all, it is “just a flu”. The one wants to see karl louderbach no longer, the other finds: the SPD health politician is one of the few expert who can explain the problematikens of the pandemic well.

Fact is: the loads of this long-lasting take-off situation do not make this discuss easier. Partner reveals terrifying viewscontradictory opinions have always been able to burden relationships, that is not a corona phenomenon. That can lead to the partnership or partnership suddenly revealing views that make you frighten and angry.

Discuss – but rightin this context, it is not harmful to relations, climate policy, but also to corona measures per se – it is only something that matters. “in political questions, there are couples who discuss very well with each other. They have lust for a spiritual duel that makes them fun,” says the couple therapeutin anika bökenhauer from göttingen.

The basic mood is, however, characterized by great appreciation and acceptance – this means that the differences in the opinions are also good to be held. Then you listen patiently and say, “okay, I have another opinion on it — do you want to hear it”? It is not, however, a purpose when the employment is: here one wins and the other loses.

“this is not a compelling partnership problem in the case,” says bökenhauer. Bökenhauer says that many then displace it in the living together and in the case of some derailing don’t open a barrel. In most cases, it is only more intensive to deal with a possible separation.

“in the beginning and in good time, differences are not perceived as strongly. That do not make it so easy through the pink glasses,” explains the couple therapist. Later or in periods of crisis, differences would be perceived more strongly – up to the internal legitimation of separation intentions.

“some of them behave in this situation simply irrational – and say unthinkable things,” explains the expert of the professional association of German psychologists (bdp). Krahés rat is: couples at certain subjects do not come to a nennial at all and are increasingly frustrated, should they agree a kind of weapon rest. You can say, “Come,” there are all words exchanged, we are not currently coming to a nenner.

But I want to continue with you – let’s talk about it again in a few months and focus more on the connecting”.